Random Tales of Colonel Carrot & Corporal Cabbage
by King Hawke
Summary: random stuff about the two peoples in the title. I made them up
1. Chapter 1

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Disclaimer: This story has no point and I own everything. sad, eh?

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Captain Carrot: We need to start the story, Corporal Cabbage.

Corporal Cabbage: But what should we write about?

Captain: No idea!

Corporal: Me either, but we have to start somewhere.

Captain: Indeed! Maybe we should start at the beginning.

Corporal: The beginning? That is so horribly not original! We should start at the end!

Captain: The end is boring though! Besides, it only makes sense to start at the beginning.

Corporal: Why is that?

Captain: Because people know why the end is the end, but only after they know the beginning.

Corporal: True, but then it makes sense! Making sense is very old fashioned.

Captain: Very old fashioned, yes. However, the beginning tells the readers who we are.

Corporal: Only ignorant people do not know who we are!

Captain: Uh, Cabbage, everyone is ignorant.

Corporal: *sighs* Okay. We might as well start at the beginning, but I am officially against it!

Captain: Good! Let us start writing!

Corporal: Umm…what are we going to write about?

Captain: We are going to write about the story, of course!

Corporal: Which story?

Captain: The story we are going to write!

Corporal: Which story are we going to write?

Captain: We are going to write the story we decided on!

Corporal: We did not decide on one yet!

Captain: Oh! I forgot about that.

Corporal: Forgot about what?

Captain: Which story we are going to write!

Corporal: We were going to write a story?

Captain: Yes, Cabbage.

Corporal: But, Carrot, what is it about so far?

Captain: We do not know yet.

Corporal: We do not know what?

Captain: *slowly* If we knew what we did not know, we would know it and it would be known instead of not known.

Corporal: So, we do not know what we don't know, but we do know what we do know?

Captain: Precisely!

Corporal: But we cannot write a story that we do not know about!

Captain: That is why we need to find out the story so we can write it!

Corporal: Where are we going to find a story to write about?

Captain: A library!

Corporal: Or we could make one up.

Captain: The bookstores!

Corporal: Or we could make one up.

Captain: The Internet!

Corporal: Maybe we could make up a story.

Captain: I got it! We should make one up!

Corporal: *bangs his head against a brick wall*

Captain: Is something wrong, Cabbage? I thought it was a great idea!

Corporal: Nothing is wrong with the idea, but—

Captain: *interrupting* I am glad you like _my_ idea. Now we can start writing the story!

Corporal: Okay. Let's start writing!

Both: *get into writing positions*

Nothing happens.

Corporal: *sighs loudly* This is going to take all day, at this rate!

Captain: Maybe we should try writing the story later.

Corporal: Yes, later.

Three minutes later, both Captain and Corporal are sitting in their chairs asleep and snoring loudly.

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The End Unless I can think of More to Write and Reviewers desire my continuation of this story!

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	2. Chapter 2

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Disclaimer: I still own everything. If you want to own it then too bad. It's mine

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Corporal Cabbage: I have great news, Captain Carrot!

Captain Carrot: What is it, Corporal?

Cabbage: You've been promoted to Colonel! *salutes*

_Colonel _Carrot: I am now in charge of you! Mwhahaha!

Cabbage: Sir, you already were in charge of me.

Carrot: Not the point! Now, where is the story we wrote?

Cabbage: We haven't written it yet, remember? We decided to do it later!

Carrot: Is now later?

Cabbage: Yes! Now is Later! Because later is now Now which is not earlier!

Carrot: Huh?

Cabbage: Let's write!

Carrot: Let's write indeed! *long pause* Wait! Does writing actually involve…dare I say it…the W word?

Cabbage: Writing involves work, Carrot.

Carrot: *anguished cry of despair* Nooooo!!!! Work!!!! You said the W word!

Cabbage: *rolls his eyes* Fine, I'll write it myself.

Carrot: *grins* Splendid idea! You can write it and I'll take all the money and credit for it. This is the beginning of a beautiful partnership!

Cabbage: A what?

Carrot: You got the word!

Cabbage: Word?

Carrot: Yes, the word!

Cabbage: What is the word?

Carrot: The word is the word that you just said again!

Cabbage: The?

Carrot: No!

Cabbage: Word?

Carrot: No!

Cabbage: What is the word?

Carrot: Yes, you have it for a third time! Hahaha!

Cabbage: *mumbles to self* What did I say?

Carrot: Once again you have said it!

Cabbage: *irritated* Let's just write!

Carrot: *sits and waits*

Cabbage: What are you waiting for?

Carrot: For you to finish writing of course! How am I supposed to take all the credit for your accomplishments if you don't accomplish anything?

Cabbage: Good point.

Carrot: Of course it is! Start writing the story!

Cabbage: What should it be about?

Carrot: Write it about you!

Cabbage: Okay…*starts writing* I am a Corporal. I am a Cabbage. I like the letter C. I am a genius. Colonel, does this have to be accurate?

Carrot: Of course!

Cabbage: Good. *continues writing* I am a super genius. I am smarter than the Colonel and I deserve his rank and he's stupid. Okay, done!

Carrot: Good! Publish it and give me all your money!

Cabbage: That sounds more like robbery to me.

Carrot: Silly Corporal! I'm higher rank than you. That means: I can confiscate anything I want and I can take credit for anything you do as long as it profits me! It's in the manual.

Cabbage: There's a manual?

Carrot: Um…actually, there isn't, but there will be! I'm writing it!

Cabbage: But that involves work, sir.

Carrot: Awwww!!!! Don't use that foul language around me, Cabbage, or I'll make your career into a stew! Cabbage stew!

Cabbage: People like carrot stew better.

Carrot: Lies! All lies propagated by the enemy!

Cabbage: But I'm the one saying it.

Carrot: You've been propagated! Their propagated propaganda is wearing down at your very essence!

Cabbage: Meaning?

Carrot: *takes the paper* Meaning I'm a genius! Let's go publish it!

Cabbage: I think it is a really short book.

Carrot: *reads it* Cabbage, you have misspellings everywhere!

Cabbage: Where?

Carrot: *points to the paper* You misspelled my name! You put Cabbage instead of Carrot and put Carrot where Cabbage should be! For a writer, those are pretty amateurish mistakes to make!

Cabbage: *stares* Naturally. I mean, what else could it be?

Carrot: Precisely! Now, I'll fix the mistakes, *fixes them*, and I'll go get this published.

Cabbage: Who is going to publish something that short as a book?

Carrot: Me!

Cabbage: How?

Carrot: Well…on second thought, that sounds like the W word, so I'm going to let you publish it!

Cabbage: I don't know how to publish books!

Carrot: *shrugs* Oh well. We tried. *tosses the book over his shoulder*

Cabbage: What do you mean we tried?

Carrot: We're officers. We don't have to put forth any effort in anything. Man, this writing thing sure is tiring!

Cabbage: I'm the only one doing any work so far!

Carrot: That is not true!

Cabbage: Name one thing you've done so far to contribute to this book!

Carrot: I ordered you to write it!

Cabbage: I'm sure that was very taxing on you.

Carrot: Oh it was! In fact, I think I'm going to make another order!

Cabbage: Oh boy, what is it?

Carrot: Get me a cupcake!

Cabbage: A…cupcake, sir?

Carrot: Cupcakes! Get me a cupcake with sprinkles!

Cabbage: You ate the last one yesterday.

Carrot: Oh…oh well. I'm tired from all these tough orders I've been giving out! I'm taking a nap! *falls asleep standing up*

Cabbage: I'm supposed to follow the colonel everywhere he goes, so I guess it's time to go! *falls asleep and falls over onto the ground**mumbles in his sleep: no more books!*

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Read and Review! Despite what most people think, it's not easy to write this stuff.

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